To Be A Man

What makes a man… a man?

Even after deciding to write this article, I still feel a twinge of discomfort whenever I mention masculinity or manliness. It’s as if decades of conditioning have taught me that speaking openly about these topics is somehow improper—or at least unusual enough to warrant raised eyebrows. Yet that very discomfort only confirms how necessary this conversation really is.

What makes a man… a man? I’ve met countless men whose lives are remembered more for their missteps and heartbreak than for moments of triumph. I’ve seen men drained by failing marriages—children pulled away, bills mounting, the crushing weight of it all leaving them hollowed out. I’ve watched men sink into the solace of the bottle, and others lash out in anger, convinced they’ll never be “enough” to deserve real love. Some resign themselves to fleeting flings, never quite feeling worthy of anything deeper.

Online discourse, of course, has its own way of tidily boxing men into subgroups—alpha, beta, omega, sigma—each claiming to hold a secret recipe for success or a predestined predictor of failure. Meanwhile, religious doctrines and popular culture frame men as protectors, providers, or heads of households, often reducing their worth to a paycheck or leadership role. Then there’s the other extreme, with expectations so superficial they revolve around height, bank balance, and other “measurements.”

But rarely do we look beyond these labels to acknowledge the man silently grappling with the pressure to be strong, to provide, and to be emotionally invulnerable all at once. Not the 1% success story on Tinder or the flawless Sunday-best figure, but the everyday man who’s trying to reconcile very real human vulnerabilities with the unyielding ideals thrust upon him.

I’ve lived this tension firsthand. As someone who measured my worth against grandiose role models—many of whom existed more in myth than in reality—I’ve felt the suffocating fear that I might never be enough. That my mistakes could harm the people I love. That my only real value hinges on what I can offer. These fears run deep for many men, yet only in recent years has the dialogue around them begun to open up.

As always, we’ll begin with a song.

Music as a Mirror for Men’s Struggles

Music has always helped me process my own doubts and experiences. Lately, a few artists have broken the unspoken rule that men should shoulder their burdens in silence. One such song is Dax’s “To Be a Man,” which cuts straight to the emotional core of the modern male experience.

In stark, honest lyrics, Dax describes the silent battles men fight every day, wrestling with the pressures to stay strong, provide, and never let anyone see them sweat. The chorus captures it well:

“It’s a lonely road, and they don’t care ’bout what you know.
It’s not ’bout how you feel, but what you provide inside that home.”

Here, he drives home a chilling reality: a man’s worth is still too often tied to what he can offer financially or materially, rather than the emotions or unique qualities he brings. As if that isn’t isolating enough, the verses go on to illustrate a world where men are expected to remain stoic, receiving little empathy or acknowledgment:

“That we can’t cry when life gets hard. Unconditional love for women, children, and dogs.
We know that we just have to play our parts. And don’t nobody give a damn about our broken hearts.”

That line—“And don’t nobody give a damn about our broken hearts”—is an especially powerful indictment of our cultural blind spots. Even when men “succeed” and fulfill traditional expectations—finding a partner, securing financial stability—there lingers a fear that they’re loved only for what they can provide:

“And if you ever make it up and actually reach that place, and find a woman that you love and give her your last name,
You’ll feel the things that you provide is only why she stays.”

Dax’s raw candor challenges the usual script. His music questions the viability of a masculinity built on suppressing emotion, demanding solitude in pain, and equating personal worth with income. In doing so, he opens the door to conversations about a healthier, more balanced approach to manhood.

The Modern Expectations of Manhood

Despite the fact that manhood has never been truly one-dimensional, modern society still boxes men into narrow roles. Religious texts and traditions have historically placed men as the spiritual and material heads of the household—an archetype that encourages responsibility yet often leaves little room for expressing personal struggles. Media and pop culture reinforce a similarly constrained vision of manhood: the silent action hero who never falters, the unstoppable business mogul who reveals no weakness.

Even music, though it can provide solace, has contributed its own stereotypes. From “thug” culture idolizing violence and aggression, to the “hardworking everyman” whose unending labor becomes his only source of pride, these narratives oversimplify the breadth of male experience.

In recent years, the so-called “manosphere” and red-pill communities have gained traction by offering men a semblance of camaraderie—yet often at a steep cost. Instead of championing empathy or self-awareness, these movements frequently depict relationships as combat zones and women as trophies to be conquered. Men who genuinely crave understanding, partnership, and emotional growth may find themselves at odds with a worldview that prioritizes competition over connection.

What results is a chorus of conflicting messages: be the indomitable provider, be the unwavering leader, be the alpha male who wins at any cost. But none of these archetypes offer guidance on how to simply be human—a person who might be strong one day and vulnerable the next.

Redefining Manhood: Beyond the Archetypes

It’s easy to internalize these impossibly high demands until you feel like you’re failing on all fronts. Yet real growth emerges the moment we recognize that manhood need not be defined by external pressures, outdated traditions, or online echo chambers.

Embrace Emotional Range: Strength isn’t about hiding every tear and fear. It’s the willingness to face your emotions, own them, and seek support when you need it.
Share the Load: Leadership doesn’t mean you always have to go it alone. Healthy relationships—be they romantic, familial, or platonic—involve give and take, trust, and genuine communication.
Honor Authenticity: Being true to yourself may mean rejecting the narratives that don’t fit your life or values. Sometimes that requires carving out a unique path that defies stereotypes.

I’ve found the men I respect most aren’t necessarily the wealthiest or the toughest (ok, fine, one was a literal Roman emperor); they’re the ones who live with integrity, show compassion, and stand resilient in the face of adversity. They don’t see vulnerability as weakness, and they aren’t defined by the size of their bank accounts or the muscles on their arms.

Charting a Path Forward: Practical Steps and Resources

Moving beyond narrow definitions of manhood doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process that requires intention, community, and a willingness to explore new ways of being. Here are some steps and resources that can help:

Acknowledge Your Feelings—All of Them
There’s no shame in admitting you feel hurt, scared, or uncertain. These emotions don’t make you weaker; they make you human. Whether through journaling, therapy, or candid talks with trusted friends, let yourself process rather than repress.
Engage in Open Conversation
Conversations around masculinity can feel uncomfortable at first, but honest dialogue is essential. Seek out or create spaces—men’s groups, community organizations, or online forums—where you can safely explore the emotional and psychological sides of manhood.
Prioritize Mental and Emotional Health
Therapy isn’t just for crises. Consider it a resource for self-discovery and self-improvement. If therapy is out of reach, try self-help books, guided journals, or mental health podcasts. Every step toward understanding yourself better is a step worth taking.
Reevaluate Relationships and Boundaries
Healthy connections are built on respect, empathy, and clear boundaries. Communicate openly with partners, friends, and family about your needs and encourage them to do the same. Emotional support should flow both ways.
Explore Diverse Role Models
Allow yourself the freedom to admire compassion, humor, creativity, or vulnerability—traits that transcend gender stereotypes. Look to individuals who challenge the status quo and embody a more balanced, empathetic form of leadership or success.
Redefine Success on Your Own Terms
Reflect on what matters most to you—be it time with family, creative pursuits, financial security, or community leadership. Resist letting society’s metrics define your worth. Authentic success is found when your goals align with your values.

Final Thoughts: Finding Authenticity in a Conflicted World

In the end, redefining manhood isn’t about discarding strength, tenacity, or ambition. I can’t provide definitive answers, because I expect many peoples’ perspectives to be different, but to me… True masculinity isn’t about proving yourself—it’s about being yourself, without being shaped by the fear associated with that honesty. It’s about recognizing that these traits alone don’t capture the whole picture of a human life. Being a man shouldn’t require burying your pain or constantly performing for approval.

Instead, true manhood—or simply true humanity—thrives when we embrace a fuller emotional palette. It’s a journey of integrating vulnerability with resilience, empathy with determination, and personal authenticity with communal responsibility. Yes, it’s difficult to let go of the idea that our value hinges on our earning power or our ability to “have it all figured out.” But the alternative—living life penned in by other people’s rules—costs us far more in the long run.

Again, these reflections stem from my own observations and experiences, and they certainly won’t apply to everyone. Yet I hope they resonate with those who feel isolated, silenced, or misunderstood. When men and women alike begin to share in honest, empathetic conversations, we break down the walls that have confined us for too long.

If you ever feel alone in questioning what it means to be a man, know that there’s a growing community ready to listen, learn, and help shoulder the burden. The dialogue is ongoing—and it’s through that dialogue, one conversation at a time, that we can create a broader, kinder, and more genuine understanding of manhood.

Together, we can shape a future where strength is not measured by what you hide, but by your willingness to be seen as who you truly are.